A Past Revisited
by Megz-and-Tori
Summary: Hotch comes face to face with a case that reminds him of his own past... H/P
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Okay so new story focused mainly on Hotch and his suggested past as well as his relationship with Emily. Read and Review to let us know what you think...

Disclaimer: As always we stick to owning nothing even if we really really want to.

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It had been an exceptionally hard case for everyone, but unusually it was Hotch that was suffering the most with this one. Most people wouldn't have noticed it, his normal stoic mask hardly faltered throughout the case. The only let on to the rest of the team was the way he was with the boy and the interrogation. Yes Hotch had a son but this was different. For one thing he was too old for Hotch to see similarities between him and his son. So it had to be someone else it reminded him of.

It had been a fairly usual case to start off with, although it didn't make seeing the bodies of sisters, daughters and mothers any easier. Their unsub had been beating blonde hair and green eyed professional middle-aged women to death, and then tenderly burying them in a woods. At first this had confused the team because the murder was so brutal but the pacing of the bodies showed remorse. They had later realised that the unsub was subconsciously and repeatedly killing the same women over and over again. It was classic overkill which also suggested that he had closely known a woman with the same features and she had hurt him in some way and so was taking his revenge on these poor innocent women.

The team, or more specifically Hotch had realised that the where the unsub was hitting the women up to a point were fairly carefully placed so that they wouldn't cause too much damage and would go unnoticed until anger much have overwhelmed him and he had just raged out killing them. This meant that the unsub was probably abusive to the women they represented, probably either a wife or girlfriend. The team had contacted Garcia with this information to try and find out who the women could be, based on the time the unsub began killing so when the women left him or died and the age of the victims etc. She had come up with one clear match in that area

"His name is Giles Proctor, 35 years old. Has previous for Assault, couple of DUI and the local PD had been called to his house a few times on grounds of disturbance, but has never went anywhere." There was a pause and the team could hear Garcia pounding away at her keyboard. "Oh and get this, his wife died last month of cancer, and damn… she looks just like the victims"

"Thanks Garcia" Hotch said while scribbling down the address Garcia gave before hanging up.

So the team set off to the unsub's address, it was a small place with a porch and a tiny garden but was very run down. They noticed there was no vierchal outside so it was possible their unsub had made a dash for it.

Morgan and Rossi went in the front entrance which left Reid, Hotch and Prentiss to go round the back. They all stormed in and found nothing in main rooms of the house. The place smelled extremely bad like mould and rotten food, this wasn't surprising considering the sight of the place. There was rubbish everywhere and remains of broken glass and china across the floor, there were also fist sized holes in the walls that didn't go unnoticed. It was clear, however that a woman's touch had once been there because of the decor now deep beneath filth.

"I guess he must have made a run for it" Reid stated, once they had all met up back in the living room again.

"He won't get far we have already put up a bolo so the authorities will stop him if he tries to get over the state border." Replied Rossi unnecessarily. The case was pretty much over now and there was nothing they could really do, but they decided to search the place properly and try to see if they could find out where he could possibly be trying to run to.

"Hey look at this." Came a shout from Emily in the hallway. "It looks like a picture of a cabin somewhere." As the team stood around the picture trying to connect a meaning from it there was a movement from the cupboard under the stair. Each team member reached for their weapon as Hotch broke the lock and opened the door.

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Author's note: Please read and review and let us know what you think then next chapter will be up today too.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Getting deeper into the story now so please read and review tell us what you think.

Disclaimer: Wouldn't it be amazing if when you wished for something it actually happened... nope we still don't own it.

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What they saw shocked all of them but none more than Hotch. A young sandy haired boy of about four years old was cowered in a ball on the floor blinking rapidly due to the change in light, but stood in front of him in a protective manner was another boy who physically looked to be about nine but his dark green eyes told a different story. It was clear that the team had missed something in the profile, Garcia never mentioned anything about the unsub having kids. The team holstered their weapons and Hotch asked Emily to carry the younger boy out while Rossi radioed for an ambulance. Hotch held out a hand to the older boy while Prentiss tried to angle behind him to help the younger. The older stopped them in their tracks, positioning himself in front of the smaller boy, standing as straight as he could, looking Hotch dead in the eyes. Hotch could see the fear in the boy's eyes, but also the determination and strength in his will to protect the little boy. The older turned and he picked up the younger boy and carried him out himself refusing any help the others offered. It was clear that this boy would never leave his brothers side no matter what they said.

In the light of day, outside the gross and dark house, the boys were in an extremely poor condition. They were clearly both malnourished and filthy but more disturbingly the older was covered in both old and new cuts and bruises whereas the younger seemed to be unharmed. It was clear to Hotch what had happened and he knew all to well the determined and pain ridden face of the boy. He had stepped up after his mum had died from cancer. He must have protected his brother and taken the beatings all on his own. It shouldn't be something that a boy of his age had to deal with but the choice he had made was clear. Protect his brother at all costs.

Garcia had managed to find the cabin that was in the picture at the Proctor's house. The team decided to let the Local police deal with bringing him in as they waited behind and planned how to deal with the guy when he was brought in.

The case was closed after they caught the unsub, but first they had to interrogate him to find out more about his clearly sick mind and how it worked. Emily insisted that Morgan and Rossi take on the unsub and Hotch couldn't disagree he knew if he was there he would seriously injure or kill the man within five minutes of being in the same room. Emily and Hotch stood watching the interrogation from the observation room. Hotch was visibly tense and Emily moved closer to him to offer unspoken support, even though she wasn't exactly sure why this case was having such an effect on him.

They had decided that the best way to break this guy was by playing dumb, by winding him up and asking question to which they knew the answer to, but also knew that they were the ones that would more than likely get a response from him.

Rossi was walking around the unsub with Morgan sitting on the edge of the table. The man in front of them had dark hair and was fairly tall. He was attempting to look unfazed by the men but his body language gave him away. He was clearly threatened by the men and the powers they had over him. Morgan began the prodding.

"Not so tough now huh? Why's that? Are we not weak enough for you? You don't think you could give us a beating?" Proctor shied away from his questions and just huffed.

Rossi now joined in "hurting them make you feel strong? Make you feel like a big man?" Again the questions went ignored. "What happened to make you turn to other women huh? Did you kill your wife? Did she leave you?" The last question got a slight reaction from him shifting in his seat so Morgan followed it through.

"Was that it? She couldn't take it anymore. You weren't worthy of her? She was too good for you. You weren't really a man. You're a coward." The unsub stood up and glared at the profilers.

"I am not a coward! That Bitch left me! She was a stupid wife anyways. She couldn't ever get anything right! She never had dinner on the table and was a pathetic excuse of a woman. She didn't even run away quick enough; she got sick before she could, stupid Bitch had to die didn't she? Left me with two unruly boys that needed punishing! She couldn't have left and took the little brats with her!" He slammed his fist on the table. The unsub admitted to everything after that.

Meanwhile in the observation room Hotch was clearly becoming more and more uncomfortable his fists were clenching by his sides and he as a look of severe anger on his usually stoic face. JJ interrupted them to say that the two boys were at the hospital being checked over and then they were going to be taken to social services as they had no other relatives they could stay with. This made Hotch even more angry and he stormed out pushing passed people heading out of the precinct to the fresh air. This was cutting too close to home.

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Author's note: Let us know if you think we should continue with the story by pressing the review button please...


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Sorry about the delay in posting school work took over a bit. So this is the next chapter covering the plane ride home...

Disclaimer: Oh how we wish we owned it... but we don't *sighs*

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Emily was worried. They had been 'dating' for just over six months now, and everything was going great. They were comfortable with each other on an everyday basis and their relationship rarely, if ever, effected them at work. Jack loved spending time with 'his Emly' and she loved spending time with him. The problem was that they were still holding back from one another, which isn't surprising seeing as how passed relationships had worked out and the job that they did. But Hotch's behaviour on this case proved it even more so. Emily had some idea of Hotch's past because, despite the rule against inter-team profiling, they all still did sometimes, it was a hazard of the job, plus she had seen his scars and some were far too old for it to have been Foyet that caused them. She didn't want to guess or have to profile him to find out though, and she wasn't going to push him, she just hoped that at some point, in his own time, he would let her in to that part of his life.

The plane ride home was quite. It was passed eight pm by the time they had wrapped everything up at the precinct but they didn't want to stay another night, they wanted to get back to their own beds. JJ was lying on the couch and Reid was slouched at the end with JJ feet resting on his legs and a book sitting on top of his chest. Morgan had dozed off listening to some music and Rossi had taken up vacancy at the back of the plane, out like a light, but snoring like a pig.

Emily sat across from Hotch at the table, lightly sleeping. Hotch sat staring out the window, the images of the two boys burned into his mind. The look in the older brother's eyes; the determination, the strength, the fear – he knew it all too well. He had managed to forget, to move on; put it in a little box in the back of his mind and prayed that it would never resurface. Now it had and Hotch could feel the pain bubbling back again. He wouldn't let it get the better of him. He'd come through to much, dealt with so many emotions. He wasn't going to let this get the better of him. He fought hard to erase the images, stop the fire burning in the back of his mind. But the more he fought, the more pain he felt. Hotch hated that. He hated not being able to control his emotions. He could always deal with the physical pain, he had no problem with that, bruises and cuts healed in time. But losing control over one's emotions left deeper scars, bigger wounds, some of which never healed in time, some of which could never be recovered from.

"Hey" Hotch's line of thought was interrupted by Emily's hoarse voice, still sleepy. She tilted her head and smiled at him, hoping for a response. She got one, a forced smile and a little nod. Shaking her head, she stood up and moved to sit beside Hotch. "What's bothering you? This case has been bugging you, ever since we found those boys you've been acting really strange. What's so different?" She moved her hand onto his lap, she knew the others were sleeping and wouldn't see the small gesture.

"Nothing, it's just the two boys…" He stared at her hand on his lap.

"What about them? We've had cases with kids before."

Hotch signed, he could tell that she wanted him to open up. To talk. But Not here. Not with the team about, regardless if they were sleeping. "It reminded me of Jack. I miss him." He lied, before looking back out the window.

Emily knew he was lying but she also knew she wasn't going to get anything out of him. She could see the conflict going on within him. His mask was faltering and she could tell this was eating away at him. She decided not the push the subject any further and moved back to her original seat. If he wasn't ready to talk yet, then she wasn't going to make him.

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Author's note: Hoped you liked it please review and we will write more... thanks


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: Okay so this is just a small bit looking into their relationship a bit more. Please read and review!

Disclaimer: Damn it it's still not ours. one day maybe...

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Emily drove Hotch home. He had insisted on going back to the office but it had gone past ten by the time they had touched down and there was no way she was letting him do work at this time after the flight. She had stolen the keys off him and forced him into the SUV before driving him home. They had reached his apartment and she grabbed his and her go bag, and started to walk up to his apartment before Hotch had the chance to argue.

After letting them in, Hotch kicked off his shoes and dropped down on the sofa. Emily headed to the bathroom. He pulled a file out his briefcase just as Emily came back through in a change of clothes. She was wearing a Yale t-shirt and a pair of pyjama bottoms with little monkey's all over them. Hotch looked up and couldn't help but smile.

"I'm guessing this is a subtle hint then?" Hotch asked, raising his eyebrow.

"You guessed right. You did say that Jack was away at Jessica's until tomorrow…" She replied slyly, before frowning at the file in front of Hotch. "Come to bed. It's late. That can wait until the morning."

"I know but I want to get it done"

"No Aaron, you want something to take your mind off the last case. I know you." She replied coming over to sit next to him on the sofa. "Now you have one of two options…"

Hotch turned to face Emily, she had a cheeky grin plastered on her face, "You can either come to bed and get some sleep…"

"Or… " Hotch guessed where this was going.

Emily looked him in the eye, she knew what his answer was going to be but she decided it was worth a shot anyway. "or you can talk to me, and tell me what's really the matter."

At that Hotch closed over the file. He didn't want to argue, he just wanted to forget and guessed that talking about it wasn't going to help him forget, so his best option was to go to bed.

"Ok, bed it is then." He stood and took Emily's hand and led her into his bedroom. It wasn't the answer she wanted, however it was the answer she was expecting.

He grabbed one of his old FBI t-shirt and got changed out of his shirt and dress trousers before pulling back the covers and sliding into bed next to Emily. She cuddled up next to him, lying with her head on his chest and he wrapped an arm around her waist, puling her closer. They enjoyed each others company and spent most nights after a hard case like this, just falling asleep in each others arm. But this time sleep didn't come so easily to Hotch. He couldn't shake the images, he couldn't shake the pain, and he knew Emily wasn't going to drop it until he told her, which he knew he would have to at some point as the pain ate away at him.

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Author's note: Hope you're all liking it? Please review x


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: The final chapter we think where we delve into Hotch's past, poor Hotch...

Disclaimer: Yeah that day where we might own it... not here yet (damn it!)

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_It was dark everywhere and silent at first. Then I was in my old bedroom. It was cold and dark, the floors were bare wood and my feet froze when they touched them. The bed was plain with stained and grey sheets which must have been white at some point. I realised it was a whimpering sound which had woken me. I dragged myself out of bed and walked bare foot towards the noise coming from down the long hallway. The wall paper was peeling off the walls and the smell of urine hung in the air. My brother had wet the bed again. I quickly went about changing the sheet and washing the old one while my brother cried in the corner. This would make the old man really mad. I finally sat down next to my brother and comforted him making sure he knew everything was going to be okay. That's when the door burst open. I stood up and looked him in the eye. It was clear that he was drunk by the stench of alcohol that engulfed him, his eyes were dark and bloodshot, crazily staring me down. I stepped closer towards him and into the living room, this was the routine so my little brother wouldn't hear what was about to happen. I stepped forwards, already accepting what was going to happen. There was a movement behind me and then blackness and pain was the only thing my senses could pick up on until my feeble body hit the floor causing my head to real. _

_There was a woman's voice somewhere. "Aaron?" My mother? No that wasn't possible. "Aaron!"_

Hotch woke with a start breathing heavily. He sat up with his hands running through his hair for a few minutes waiting to calm down and become more orientated. His harsh breaths were the only piercing sound in the silence of the night. He quickly realised that there was someone next to him so turned around.

Concern and fear streaked through Emily's face while watching Hotch attempt to regain composure. She had heard him tossing and turning and whimper in his sleep so had decided she had to wake him. He was clearly having a nightmare. It wasn't unusual, with the things they saw, to have nightmares and normally Emily could make him calm down by rubbing his back and just holding him. This time it was different though. She tried to reach a hand out on his shoulder but he flinched away from her.

"Aaron? Are you okay?"

His breathing steadied slightly so he responded with a week "um… Not really, no. But I will be. I'm just gunna go get a drink." With that he swung his legs over the bed and padded towards the kitchen. Emily followed a few minutes later her worry for him taking over.

He was leant over the work surface staring into a glass of water he held, the darkness of the kitchen was only broken by the illumination of moonlight streaking through the window. The silence was broken by a voice which Emily didn't recognise. This Hotch sounded frightened and hurt, like a little boy.

"I couldn't stop it; there was nothing that I could do." He still refused to make eye contact with her so she moved forwards so she was standing next to him, while still giving him room.

"Aaron? What are you talking about? The boys? We saved them from their dad. They are safe now."

"No it wasn't the boys we saw today." His head sunk further down while his eyes didn't leave the water he held. "My nightmare…It…It…" His free hand came up to his face and rubbed his eyes.

"Aaron… You can tell me. You know that right? I love you and there is no way anything you say can make me feel anything different towards you. I wont think you're any weaker because you have nightmares, we all have them, it's part of the job description. I want you to feel like you can open up to me. Trust me. You know you will feel better if you talk to someone."

"It's not about trust Emily. I do trust you, I trust you with my life. And I do love you, Its' just… This is… There is a reason we burry our pasts behind us. We don't want to be reminded of them. We don't want the hurt we felt to be repeated…"

He looked up at Emily for the first time, into her deep brown eyes; he knew he had to share with someone. She was right (as always) he needed an outlet and it probably would make him feel better to talk it out.

"Seeing those boys today just cut a little too close to home" His eyes became distant again as he recounted the life he had once had. Emily listened with patience only offering encouragement where it was needed edging closer to him as he continued to recount the atrocities he had been through, which no one should ever have to.

"I was trapped there and the only thing able to keep me sane, was knowing that my suffering was saving that of my brothers. I knew I would never end up like my dad. That's why I got into being a prosecutor and then the FBI I wanted to put people like my father away."

Emily wrapped her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes for a moment. "I so wish you had never been through any of that." She stood on her toes and kissed his head gently. "So I guess that little boy today, the older one standing to protect his brother, he reminded you of you at that age?"

"Yeah. He had that look in his eyes that I remember being in mine. He knew that people weren't all good. He knew bad things happened and he knew that the only way to survive is to know that you are doing everything you can to protect other people from the same things you have seen. He protected his brother and will continue to because he feels responsible for him. They are the only thing each other have. He shouldn't have to feel like that but he will for the rest of his life. They deserve to have parents that love them and that will protect them, but the chances of that are slim because they have no living relatives and it will be more difficult to get a couple who want two brothers who have been through so much. They are alone."

"Well there isn't much we can do about that right now tonight, but how about we take a few days off, we are owed them anyway, and visit the boys. We can take Jake too if you want, they can play in the park and maybe we can go and see them now and then. You know keep an eye on them, make sure everything is okay."

"Really?" He looked at her sceptically frowning slightly.

"Yes really. Then they won't feel so alone." She looked at him for a moment and then felt him close his arms around her hugging her tight.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Now let's get to be because I don't know about you but I'm tired."

They went off to bed and fell asleep in each others arms. He had no more nightmares that night.

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Author's note: The End... so what did you think? Please read and review.


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